Whether it’s a first date, an interview or a TV debut, as the old adage goes, you only get one chance to make a first impression. So, if the situation is this important the last thing you need is to be suffering with klegnuts. In the past, countless careers have been ruined by the appearance of klegnuts, clinkers, arse rolos, winnets or whatever name you want to give them. But not anymore, oh no! The team at Boltvault Productions in association with Hoover are proud to present.. NEW BOLTVAULT KLEGAWAY!
That’s right folks, for just £19.95 (+ p&p) you too can wave goodbye to those winnet worries. Using the revolutionary anal canal design, this ergonomically designed, custom-built piece of technological wizardry is set to change your life.
With its smooth outer coating, the novice kleg remover could be mistaken in thinking that this baby is just too attractive to deal with the job in hand. But don’t be fooled. Beneath the bonnet roars a 250bhp motor that is guaranteed to remove even the most stubborn bum toffee from its roots.
But don’t just take our word for it here are a few of TV’s most recognizable celebrities to tell you how the Boltvault Klegaway has changed their life.
‘”Ozzy and I always use the Boltvault Klegaway before we appear on any TV show. The sense of relief and exhilaration at knowing that nothing is hanging out of the back of your arse that shouldn’t be just cannot be underestimated. And given that Ozzy can hardly even wipe his own arse anymore, just knowing the Boltvault Klegaway has the power to deal with anything you throw at it really makes us sleep easier at night.” – Sharon Osbourne, wife of rock legend and vegetable, Ozzy Osbourne.
“Whenever I’m belittling would-be cooks and piss-poor restauranteurs on my TV shows, I have to be sure there’s nothing those fuckers can throw back at me. Arse rolo’s or bum seaweed sticking out of my apron would quite simply leave me looking like a fool, so the Boltvault Klegaway is an absolute fucking life saver for me. And in a kitchen environment where the emphasis is on hygiene, I know I’m safe with the Boltvault Klegaway.” – TV Chef and sweary bloke, Gordon Ramsay.
“I know that every time I climb into my race car, the eyes of the World are on me. That’s pressure. But thanks to the Boltvault Klegaway I never have to worry. When I won my first Grand Prix and was standing on that winners podium, I knew I could never have done it without the peace of mind that comes with owning a Boltvault Klegaway.” Grand Prix hero and thorn in Lewis Hamilton’s side, Jensen Button.
“As Prime Minister I’m always in the full glare of the media spotlight. In these times of economical instability and in the face of almost daily attacks from the press, I know that if I couldn’t count on the confidence and mental strength the Boltvault Klegaway affords me then I would have topped myself months ago. And I even managed to get one on expenses.” PM and toff, David Cameron.
So don’t delay and order today see how the Boltvault Klegaway can help transform your life too!
And coming soon, the Boltvault Mega Klegaway as used by Jo Brand and Robbie Coltrane!