X-POSED! X FACTOR TWINS SECRET DAD REVEALED

By our man aghast, Snooper van Minge

As if the country wasn’t talking about them enough, shock new revelations about X Factor twins Jonathan and Edward look set to have tongues wagging even more. Startling new evidence has come to light which has revealed the twins are in fact the secret love children of 90’s rapper, Robert van Winkle aka Vanilla Ice.

The revelations came as the twins prepared for this week’s live show on Saturday night when they will be aiming to once again murder a song with their out of tune crooning while performing out of step dance routines for the (non) amusement of millions of viewers. It seems that Ice met the twins’ mother after a concert in Ireland in the early 90’s. After waiting by the stage door for an autograph of the star, it seems van Winkle did more than simply scribble his signature.

A show insider claims that this news had been kept under wraps until now but that intense media interest has meant details have been leaked to the press in order to maintain the media frenzy around the pair. ‘It’s true, show bosses have been aware of the parentage of the twins for some time’ confirmed the insider. ‘Initially we were shocked but looking at them and the way they behave, it’s absolutely clear that their heritage is beyond question.’

We asked top genetic scientist Mary Digestive from Scunthorpe Polytechnic what she made of the claims. ‘The likenesses between the twins and their alleged father are both striking and hard to ignore. Both acts are talentless beyond belief; both are annoying beyond compare and both have the same immovable belief that they are talented singers. When you add those ridiculous haircuts into the mix, it’s extremely hard to refute what on the face of it appears to be almost concrete evidence’ she said.

While the twins themselves were staying unusually tight-lipped about the scandal, show mentor Louis Walsh blamed the revelations on fellow judge Simon Cowell claiming they were intended merely to disrupt hi remaining group’s preparations. ‘This is just another example of Simon trying to upset my act because they are so good and he knows the public are behind them. Simon is scared because he knows that these boys are really talented and have a great chance of winning the competition. ‘

Cowell meanwhile was unavailable for comment as he was wiping his arse on £50 notes while sat on his solid gold toilet. However a spokesman for the music mogul confirmed he was ‘pissing his pants’ in response to Walsh’s comments.