City announce latest bid

By Boltvault’s Chief Football correspondent, Wilf Kettle.

Big spending Manchester City are set to stun the football world yet again in this week as they continue in their attempts to buy the Premier League title. Sources at Eastlands have sensationally revealed that the City hierarchy are planning an audacious bid to sign the Brazilian, Italian and Spanish national sides in a mega deal which will eclipse all previous transfer bids.

Boss Mark Hughes confirmed this morning that the board have given him the backing for the bid saying”Yes it’s true. The board have given me backing for the bid.” He expanded further by saying “We intend to work our way through the FIFA World Rankings until the title is ours and if we don’t get our first choice, we’ll simply move onto the next one and will continue to do so until a deal is done. That said though, we draw the line at Scotland.”

The news will send an already reeling football world in to freefall and with transfer fees already exorbitant in the wake of the Ronaldo deal, this latest announcement is sure to propel them even further into the stratosphere. This was evidenced this morning as John Brindle of Cricklewood signed schoolboy forms for Chelsea for a fee of £17m despite being just two years old and having never kicked a ball in his life. Proud father and football agent Steve Brindle said “Well it made perfect sense to me. He’s seen a ball and knows what a ball is so he’ll most probably be pretty good one day.”

Meanwhile back at Eastlands, City officials announced they are planning a spectacular community event at the stadium in November for fans and their families. A spokesman for the club revealed they would be holding a special Bonfire Night celebration in November where they intend to burn £10 billion. “It’s never been done before and we’re really looking forward to it” confirmed the spokesman who continued by saying “We’ll be handing out wads of cash to supporters who will be encouraged to throw them on the fire. We feel his will really cement our position as the World’s richest club. You certainly won’t find the red half of Manchester in a position to do this.”

When told of the plans, Sir Alex Ferguson simply giggled.

And this just in – it seems Newcastle United are to follow suit and work their way through the FIFA Rankings in their bid to secure a return to the top flight. However, due to their current money worries they will be taking a bottom up approach and are currently in negotiations with Papua New Guinea who are ranked 203rd in the World.