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	<title>Boltvault &#187; John Bollocks</title>
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	<link>http://www.boltvault.com</link>
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		<title>WOMEN MORE LIKELY TO GIVE BIRTH THAN MEN &#8211; OFFICIAL</title>
		<link>http://www.boltvault.com/women-more-likely-to-give-birth-than-men-official</link>
		<comments>http://www.boltvault.com/women-more-likely-to-give-birth-than-men-official#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 15 Jan 2010 11:38:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Boltvault Admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Boltvault News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Arnold Schwarzenegger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Cambridge]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dr Quimm]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ghostbusters]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hollywood]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ivan Reitman]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[John Bollocks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Junior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pregnancy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[University]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.boltvault.com/?p=1759</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[By our man in the delivery room, John Bollocks
A new study undertaken by Cambridge University to be published next week claims that women are a staggering 100% more likely to give birth than men.  The study which was commissioned by the British Medical Association (BMA), ran tests over a 10 year period to see whether [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.boltvault.com/women-more-likely-to-give-birth-than-men-official/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<title>HOSPITALS OVERWHELMED FOLLOWING LIVERPOOL DEFEAT. RIB INJURIES INCREASE TENFOLD</title>
		<link>http://www.boltvault.com/hospitals-overwhelmed-following-liverpool-defeat-rib-injuries-increase-tenfold</link>
		<comments>http://www.boltvault.com/hospitals-overwhelmed-following-liverpool-defeat-rib-injuries-increase-tenfold#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 14 Jan 2010 16:16:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Boltvault Admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Boltvault News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sports]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dr]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GP]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[John Bollocks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Liverpool]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Manchester]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Premier League]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rafa Benitez]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.boltvault.com/?p=1752</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[By our man in surgical gloves, John Bollocks.
 
Hospitals across the country have been under siege by an influx of patients complaining of rib injuries. The epidemic is said to have started shortly after the final whistle blew at Anfield as Liverpool were knocked out of the FA Cup in their replay against Reading.
 
Dr. Rick Shaw [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.boltvault.com/hospitals-overwhelmed-following-liverpool-defeat-rib-injuries-increase-tenfold/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>OXFORD MAN HELD ON VOYEUR CHARGES</title>
		<link>http://www.boltvault.com/oxford-man-held-on-voyeur-charges</link>
		<comments>http://www.boltvault.com/oxford-man-held-on-voyeur-charges#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 08 Jan 2010 13:05:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Boltvault Admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Boltvault News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[John Bollocks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Kidlington]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Oxford]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Police]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.boltvault.com/?p=1699</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[By our man twitching behind the curtains, John Bollocks.
Police were called to a house in upper crust Kidlington, Oxfordshire last night, to arrest an alleged pervert. The alarm was raised by neighbours who heard screaming emanating from a house in The Broadway area of the village. On entry to the address, police were alarmed to [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.boltvault.com/oxford-man-held-on-voyeur-charges/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>IT’S SNOW JOKE! LATEST TERROR PLOT UNCOVERED</title>
		<link>http://www.boltvault.com/it%e2%80%99s-snow-joke-latest-terror-plot-uncovered</link>
		<comments>http://www.boltvault.com/it%e2%80%99s-snow-joke-latest-terror-plot-uncovered#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 Jan 2010 21:08:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Boltvault Admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Boltvault News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Iraq]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[John Bollocks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MI5]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mr. Frosty]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Muff]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scotland]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[snow]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[terror plot]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[weather]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.boltvault.com/?p=1662</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[By our man with his hands in a muff, John Bollocks.
MI5 has today revealed the cold snap which has seen the UK grind almost to a standstill in recent days, is the result of the latest fiendish terror plot by Islamic extremists. A spokesman for the security service, Tom Tit, claimed that a terror cell [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.boltvault.com/it%e2%80%99s-snow-joke-latest-terror-plot-uncovered/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>BUM&#8217;S THE WORD &#8211; LABOUR ANNOUNCES NEW PLANS TO TACKLE SINGLE MUM&#8217;S</title>
		<link>http://www.boltvault.com/bums-the-word-labour-announces-new-plans-to-tackle-single-mums</link>
		<comments>http://www.boltvault.com/bums-the-word-labour-announces-new-plans-to-tackle-single-mums#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 02 Nov 2009 11:00:40 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Boltvault Admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Boltvault News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Andy Burnham]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Britain]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bum tricks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chav]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chutney locker]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dirt box]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[John Bollocks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Labour]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Leeds]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Liverpool]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marmite motorway]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[NHS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pregnancy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[shell suit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[soaps]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.boltvault.com/?p=1723</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[By our man in Westminster, John Bollocks.
Health Secretary Andy Burnham today announced how Labour plans to tackle the mounting issue of unmarried mothers. In a radical new initiative, Mr. Burnham has called for the introduction of anal sex as an alternative method of contraception in an attempt to reduce pregnancy rates among women aged between [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.boltvault.com/bums-the-word-labour-announces-new-plans-to-tackle-single-mums/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Public Warned of Sunbed Terror – “They Are Out There Watching” Say Police</title>
		<link>http://www.boltvault.com/public-warned-of-sunbed-terror-%e2%80%93-%e2%80%9cthey-are-out-there-watching%e2%80%9d-say-police</link>
		<comments>http://www.boltvault.com/public-warned-of-sunbed-terror-%e2%80%93-%e2%80%9cthey-are-out-there-watching%e2%80%9d-say-police#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 30 Jul 2009 07:30:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Boltvault Admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Boltvault News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[angry]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[John Bollocks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sunbeds]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.boltvault.com/?p=1163</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[By our man on the front line, John Bollocks.
Police have today warned the public to remain vigilant after gangs of angry young sunbeds took to the streets following accusations they were “more dangerous than tobacco”. The gangs have caused havoc in precincts and leisure centres up and down the country, destroying property and attacking innocent [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.boltvault.com/public-warned-of-sunbed-terror-%e2%80%93-%e2%80%9cthey-are-out-there-watching%e2%80%9d-say-police/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Met Office Wrong Shocker – “Oops” says spokesman</title>
		<link>http://www.boltvault.com/met-office-wrong-shocker-%e2%80%93-%e2%80%9coops%e2%80%9d-says-spokesman</link>
		<comments>http://www.boltvault.com/met-office-wrong-shocker-%e2%80%93-%e2%80%9coops%e2%80%9d-says-spokesman#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 29 Jul 2009 18:09:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Boltvault Admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Boltvault News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[John Bollocks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Met Office]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[weather]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.boltvault.com/?p=1155</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[By our man in a cagoule, John Bollocks
Its official, the Met Office cannot predict the weather. In a shock announcement this morning the boffins, who for decades have tried in vain to predict rain or shine, finally admitted they were a shower of shit. Having previously predicted a “barbeque summer”, the Met Office changed their [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.boltvault.com/met-office-wrong-shocker-%e2%80%93-%e2%80%9coops%e2%80%9d-says-spokesman/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>NORTHERN MONKEY ARRESTED OVER BUM TRICKERY! &#8220;I FEEL VIOLATED&#8221; SAYS IT BOFFIN</title>
		<link>http://www.boltvault.com/northern-monkey-arrested-over-bum-trickery-i-feel-violated-says-it-boffin</link>
		<comments>http://www.boltvault.com/northern-monkey-arrested-over-bum-trickery-i-feel-violated-says-it-boffin#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 01 Jul 2009 09:37:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Boltvault Admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Boltvault News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[John Bollocks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[utter carnage]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.boltvault.com/?p=1005</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[By our man with the Swarfega, John Bollocks.
A man was in custody this morning after Police raided a house in the sleepy village of Chinnor in Oxfordshire. Concerned neighbors raised the alarm after a series of distressed screams were heard from within the property. Upon entry to the house, officers were greeted by a scene [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.boltvault.com/northern-monkey-arrested-over-bum-trickery-i-feel-violated-says-it-boffin/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>EXCLUSIVE! “Cars better than feet – can get you there quicker” claims report</title>
		<link>http://www.boltvault.com/exclusive-%e2%80%9ccars-better-than-feet-%e2%80%93-can-get-you-there-quicker%e2%80%9d-claims-report</link>
		<comments>http://www.boltvault.com/exclusive-%e2%80%9ccars-better-than-feet-%e2%80%93-can-get-you-there-quicker%e2%80%9d-claims-report#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:09:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Boltvault Admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Boltvault News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[British Association of Car Manufacturers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Cars]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[John Bollocks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[walking]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.boltvault.com/?p=1024</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[By our man at the wheel, John Bollocks.
Cars can get you to your destination quicker than so-called cheaper alternatives such as walking – FACT! That’s the shocking revelation in a new report issued today which claims to have proven unequivocally that cars really can get you there faster.
The report commissioned by the British Association of [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.boltvault.com/exclusive-%e2%80%9ccars-better-than-feet-%e2%80%93-can-get-you-there-quicker%e2%80%9d-claims-report/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>RESIDENTS STUNNED AT SORDID SEX REVELATIONS.</title>
		<link>http://www.boltvault.com/residents-stunned-at-sordid-sex-revelations</link>
		<comments>http://www.boltvault.com/residents-stunned-at-sordid-sex-revelations#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:10:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Boltvault Admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Boltvault News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Aylesbury]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[John Bollocks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sexual]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Watermead]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.boltvault.com/?p=1020</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[“RANDOM STINKFINGERING RIFE” SAYS POLICE CHIEF. Report by John Bollocks.
The residents of a well to do area of Aylesbury, Bucks were said to be shocked yesterday, after a Police raid on a flat in the upper crust Watermead area of the town revealed a series of sordid sexual practices. The owner of the aforementioned abode [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.boltvault.com/residents-stunned-at-sordid-sex-revelations/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Villagers in dive for cover as fireball hits</title>
		<link>http://www.boltvault.com/villagers-in-dive-for-cover-as-fireball-hits</link>
		<comments>http://www.boltvault.com/villagers-in-dive-for-cover-as-fireball-hits#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 08 Jun 2009 07:00:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Boltvault Admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Boltvault News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buckinghamshire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Haddenham]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[John Bollocks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mark Stow]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.boltvault.com/?p=721</guid>
		<description><![CDATA["I only tried to say hello" says local youth.
Report by our man with a yellow helmet, John Bollocks
Residents of the sleepy Buckinghamshire village of Haddenham, enjoying a quiet lunchtime walk or a sociable pint of real ale, were soon rushing for cover as an explosion at a petrol station tore through their picturesque village. The [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.boltvault.com/villagers-in-dive-for-cover-as-fireball-hits/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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