EXCLUSIVE! JEDWARD IN CAN’T SING SHOCK
November 3, 2009 by Boltvault Admin
Filed under Celebrity
By our man with a slack jaw and even slacker morals, Snooper van Minge
Hit ITV talent show the X Factor has been plunged into turmoil today as shocking revelations came to light amid claims that Irish twins John and Edward cannot sing. The pair who have consistently been the best performers in the live shows and have wowed audiences the world over, are apparently ‘unable to sing a note’.
A show insider said ‘This will come as a real shock to fans of Jedward as each week they have raised the bar for the other finalists with their performances which have been nothing short of spellbinding.’
Outside the X Factor house in London, bitter fans, some in tears, waved placards decrying their disappointment and chanted for the boys to be ejected from the competition. One broken-hearted teen, Melissa Flange sobbed ‘It’s so unfair. We feel so let down by the twins. We thought they were the real thing and now we feel like fools. First Michael Jackson, then Stephen Gately and now this – why does God punish us in this way.’
Crowds gather outside the house
Details on exactly how the pair deceived the judges and public alike are sketchy at best, with some believing the bribing of technicians on the show may be one explanation. It’s understood that the twins mimed as they performed such memorable renditions of ‘She Bangs’ and ‘We will rock you’, the latter performance initially drawing praise from poodle-headed Queen guitarist Brian May. ‘That was a performance even Freddy would have been proud of’ he drooled at the time. ‘That really was up there with the best of them.’ Fellow musician and Knight of the Realm Sir Elton John also heaped praise on the pair saying ‘Those guys are out of this world’ he said. ‘They can sing, they can dance and it wouldn’t surprise me if they also turned out to be song writing geniuses as well. It’s almost as if the music runs through them, directing their every move in perfect time with the rhythm of the song. I can’t get enough of them’ he added. Despite rivalry between the X Factor and BBC’s ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ renowned judge Len Goodman last week revealed he would love to see the twins competing on the Beeb ‘The way these guys move is absolutely incredible. I could see them winning it, absolutely hands down’ he said.
But now it seems that Jedward are destined for the talent show scrap pile. Fellow contestants have shunned them and mentor Louis Walsh was this morning said to be ‘distraught’. Fellow Judge Danni Minogue told waiting journalists ‘This is a real shock for us all. We really thought we’d discovered a pair of siblings who could really push on from where The Proclaimers left off. They were such incredible performers; I don’t think any of us on the show can really take it in to be honest.’
Walsh - 'Devastated'
PM Gordon Brown who yesterday revealed he was a fan of the show is today expected to raise the issue in Parliament during Prime Minister’s Questions later today and will seek the twins’ expulsion from the show as ‘a matter of National pride and importance’. Her Majesty the Queen is also said to be ‘deeply saddened’ by the news according to sources inside the Palace.
Whatever happens to John and Edward, this is a sad blight on the show which has brought us such pop phenomenons as Chico, Same Difference and Leon, all of whom were stars of the highest degree.
