Champions League of Villains

UEFA today moved to dismiss rumours that referee Tom Henning Ovrebo who officiated over last night’s controversial Champions League semi-final is in fact a Barcelona fan. Ovrebo, 99, incensed players and fans alike with a string of dubious decisions which contributed towards Chelsea’s eventual exit from the competition following a 93rd minute equaliser by Barca’s Andras Iniesta.
 
Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard last night claimed that as the Barca strike hit the back of the net he heard 42 year old Ovrebo shout ‘Get in there you beauty!’ and ‘Now Michel will give me the final for sure!’ before rushing away to celebrate with the Barcelona players. Said Lamps ‘He was well chuffed. I couldn’t believe it. He was even sucking off Guardiola in the dressing room after the match. Norweigan c**t.’
 
Fellow midfielder and dirty German Michael Ballack, also claimed to have heard the comments. ‘Yes, ziz is true’ said the Camp Commandants grandson. ‘In my farzers day we would have invaded his country, enslaved his people and drowned him in the fjiords for such insolence. But for the Fuhrer to rise again’ he sighed.
 
In addition to the claims by Chelsea players, a photograph has today emerged of the Norwegian official apparently posing in a Barcelona kit, further fuelling the rumours of bias. However, jumped up English-hating president of UEFA, Michel Platini claimed the accusations were completely unfounded. ‘Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! So you sought you would get anozer all-peeg-English final, huh? My derriere! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Zees will never ‘appen again as long as I am Prezeeedent. Er, pardon moi, I mean, zeese allegations are untrue. Mon ami Ovrebo ees a credeet to ze referring fraternity. Ze fact ees, Chelsea were just sheet. Fin.’
 
This however failed to appease Chelsea striker Dider Drogba who this morning arrived at the club training ground still in a straight-jacket for his own safety and foaming at the mouth. ‘I’ll fucking kill that baldy wanker’ exploded the Ivory Coast international. ‘I’ll kill him, his family, his cats and dogs and those of his friends. I will not stop until he is punished!’ he screamed before being wheeled away for a series of calming injections and pills.
 
When questioned about the allegations while boarding his first-class flight to a luxury Barcelona hotel earlier today, the referee at the centre of the storm replied to the claims by waving his Barcelona scarf above his head and singing ‘El viva Espana!’