By chief showbiz correspondent, Snooper van Minge.
Jonathan Ross has today announced plans for a new TV show which will also feature friend and comedian Russell Brand. Speaking to fans on his Wossy Twitter page, Ross described how his new show will feature the pair sticking their fingers up at television bosses and wiping their arses with £50 notes.
“It’s going to be stunning” he said. “We’re going to sit and count our vast wealth, pee on copies of the Daily Mail and defecate on the BBC logo before wiping our celebrity bums with wodges of cash. We’ll also flick the v’s at a selection of out of touch, geriatric telly execs” he added.
Comedian and bearded monkey Brand is said to be “very excited” about the venture for the as-yet-untitled show. Taking a break from running through groupies, Brand told waiting journalists the show was just what he was looking for “It’s just what I’m looking for” he panted before returning to his bedroom to smack the back out of a teenage temptress.
The shows will be produced by Ross’s Hot Sauce production company and will feature celebrity guests who will also be encouraged to participate in gratuitous displays of wealth flaunting. Model and ahem, ‘businesswoman’ Katie Price has reportedly signed on to shove a million pounds in used notes up her snatch while Gordon Ramsay serves up ludicrously expensive dishes, most of which will be thrown away without being touched.
Daily Mail readers are already launching a campaign to ban the show which it claims will “breach all the boundaries of taste”. One reader, retired Colonel Monty Furball-Clownspocket said the show was “an attack on common decency”. Said Mr. Furball-Clownspocket “I’ve never watched this Ross character or listened to any of his wireless broadcasts but if I did I’d probably hate him. He should be bally-well flogged.”
When asked for a response to Mr. Furball-Clownspocke’s comments, a spokesman for Ross said he was “too busy laughing and drinking champagne out of chorus girls bottoms to comment”.