Boltvault resident physician Dr Julian Quimm offers advice on more of our readers’ problems.

Threesome Poser
Dear Dr. Quimm
,

My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me but I’m worried how this might affect our relationship. What should I do?

Angie Sden, Walford.
Dr. Quimm Says:
Obviously, your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you’re still not sure, then just perform oral sex on him and then cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

 

Oral Dilemma
Dear Dr. Quimm
,

My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him. What can I do about it?

Penny Lane, Liverpool
Dr. Quimm Says:
Do it! Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. the best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day. then cook him a nice meal.

 

Nights Out Nightmare
Dear Dr. Quimm,

My husband has too many nights out with the boys and its really getting me down. What can I do to stop this behavior? I fear for our marriage.

Beverley Hills, Beverly Hills
Dr. Quimm Says:
This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess to other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (its a great chance to clean the house too). Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.


Clitoris Conundrum
Dear Dr. Quimm,

My husband doesn’t know where my clitoris is? Is this the case in most men or is he just a selfish ignorant oaf?

Mary Rose, Portsmouth
Dr. Quimm says:
Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess about with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this and present it to your husband for a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and then cook him a delicious meal.

 

Foreplay Failure
Dear Dr. Quimm,

My husband is uninterested in foreplay which I regard as a vital piece of our sex life. How can I get him to change his ways?

Carol Singer, Weston-Super-Mare

Dr. Quimm Says:
You are a bad person for even bringing it up woman. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love him as much as you should. He should never have to stop work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you could make it up to him by performing oral sex on him then cooking him a nice meal.

 

Come and Kip
Dear Dr. Quimm,

My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one. Is this normal?

Pat Ercakepatercakebakersman, Dumfries
Dr. Quimm Says:
I’m not sure I understand your problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal?

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