Latest from the BV Post Room

Dear Boltvault,
The old adage states that “A rolling stone gathers no moss”. Well, I’ve had veteran rocker Mick Jagger tied up in my basement for 6 months now and let me tell you, he has all sorts of muck growing on him now. In your face old wives tales!

Tiny Tim,
Jolly Old London Town

 
Dear Boltvault,
I heard recently that the so-called King of Pop, Michael Jackson, is the subject of an internet campaign trying to award him a posthumous Nobel Peace Prize. What a fucking joke. My Nan died 10 years ago after a lifetime of working as a seamstress keeping a long line of people in correctly hemmed skirts and turned up trousers but I’ve heard naff all about her being nominated.

This is just another example of one rule for the rich and famous and one rule for the working classes and as such, the waxwork kiddy-fiddler won’t be getting my vote.

Will Youbemine,
Exeter

 
Dear Boltvault,
If “Music be the food of life” how do you explain the death of Karen Carpenter who died as a result of anorexia at the height of her fame? It seems to me these old wives who have filled our heads full of rubbish for hundreds of years ought to be tracked down and brought to account for their misleading anecdotes and frankly, piss-poor advice.

Nick Erelastic,
Brighton

 
Dear Boltvault,
I’m relieved the recent celebrations of the Moon landing have now come to an end. Frankly don’t know why anyone wants to celebrate the fact that a team of former Nazi rocket scientists managed to launch a tin can into space at a cost of billions of dollars only to ruin the long-held belief that the Earth’s closest neighbour in the Universe was made out of cheese. 40 years on and I’m still gutted by the fact this mission ruined a belief instilled in me by the likes of renowned scholars such as  Tom and Jerry and shattered my dreams of one day retiring to the Moon to gorge myself stupid in my remaining days.

Albert Dock,
Albert Dock.

  

Dear Boltvault,
I recently visited Hawaii as being a fan of the series Lost and knowing it was filmed there, I fancied taking on some Polar Bears and tracking some Wild Boar. Imagine my surprise then when I was confronted not with vicious animals or by mysterious plumes of black smoke but by scantily clad natives wearing garlands of flowers round their neck and singing Aloha-ha. Now I know what Elvis was talking about when he sang ‘Blue Hawaii. I’m gutted.

Ben Deenees,
North Shields