Boltvault resident physician Dr Julian Quimm offers relationship advice over problems putting out.

Dear Dr Quimm,

My boyfriend is always pestering me to have sex with him. It doesn’t matter what time of the day or night it is, he always wants to sleep with me.

What can I do as I’m worried this sort of pressure will ruin our relationship?

Abi Daysarehereagain,

Dr. Quimm says:
Are you wasting my time or what? Look love, your first duty as a woman is to put out whenever he bloody-well wants. Your second is to make sure his dinner is on the table when he gets in from work.

Don’t give me all this headache bollocks or ‘I’m tired’, that’s just shite. Get yourself up them stairs, open your legs and like it woman for Christ’s sake! Even better, why not dress up for him, take it up the pooper and suck his stick like Kojak’s last lollipop while he’s watching skin flicks.

That’s how you should show him you love him you dappy tart!

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