Boltvault physician Dr Julian Quimm

Dr Quimm: “Chef’s Arse is no joke.”

In his weekly surgery, Boltvault physician Dr Julian Quimm explains the medical phenomenon that is  Chef’s Arse.

Dear Dr. Quimm,

Could you please furnish me with the correct definitions of firstly ‘Chefs Arse’, and secondly a ‘Kleberson’. Are they the same? Also, what are ‘Clinkers’, ‘Chob Nuts’, ‘Tag Bolts’ and ‘Undercarriage Urchins?

Roger Bhouys, France

Dr Quimm Says:
Dear Roger. Let me firstly deal with Chefs Arse. This is caused by an excess of ringstingic acid (H6S2O3), a fluid produced by the mingling of arse sweat and dissolving Klebersons.

The high acidity causes anal discomfort and can spread to the gizzard, ball bag and in extreme cases combine with knob cheese (in men) to cause a condition, previously though to be bacterial, named Vietnam Rose.

In females ringstingic acid can dribble down the perineum into the bomb doors and cause an unpleasant fishy fluid when it reacts with the fanny batter. This is most common in fat women with multiple piss flaps.

Finally Kleberson is the same as clinkers, arse rolo’s, toffo’s little men on rope etc.

I hope this helps.

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