Latest from the BV Post Room

Dear Boltvault, The old adage states that “A rolling stone gathers no moss”. Well, I’ve had veteran rocker Mick Jagger tied up in my basement for 6 months now and let me tell you, he has all sorts of muck growing on him now. In your face old wives... (more...)

Shoddy Services

Dear Boltvault, On a recent motorway trip from Birmingham to London I heeded the advice of the Highways Agency and fearing tiredness could kill, took a requisite rest at the Welcome Break services situated at junction 8a near Oxford. Having first battled... (more...)

Tube Travellers Beware!

I was recently using the London Underground for the first time and had an unfortunate accident at High Street Kensington. My attention was held by a sign on the platform floor warning me to 'Mind The Gap'. Unfortunately, I was so intent on reading this... (more...)

Latest readers letters

Dear Boltvault, I once had a shit and when I looked down the pan I realised it looked just like the Queen of England. I suppose when I pulled the chain it was a Royal Flush! Herr E Pie, Munich   Dear Boltvault, I once dipped my 'Old Man' into a can of... (more...)

Dear Boltvault

Each week we receive literally no emails from you so we've made some up! If you are able to find the time between searching for grot and pretending to look at Amazon when your bird catches you mid-stroke, and you do want to send us a mail, fire it through... (more...)