MOUSE HELD ON CELEBRITY HAIR THEFT CHARGES

Bertram shortly before his arrest By our man down the nick, John Bollocks Police have today apprehended a mouse at Heathrow airport on charges of theft and the suspected trafficking of celebrity human hair. Bertram Mouse, 24 of no fixed abode was arrested... (more...)

ROSS ANNOUNCES NEW TV PLANS

By chief showbiz correspondent, Snooper van Minge. Following his announcement yesterday that he was quitting the BBC after 13 years; Jonathan Ross has today announced plans for a new TV show which will also feature friend and comedian Russell Brand. Speaking... (more...)

EXCLUSIVE! JEDWARD IN CAN’T SING SHOCK

By our man with a slack jaw and even slacker morals, Snooper van Minge Hit ITV talent show the X Factor has been plunged into turmoil today as shocking revelations came to light amid claims that Irish twins John and Edward cannot sing. The pair who have... (more...)

MCINTYRE UNDER INVESTIGATION – ‘COMIC’ TO FACE TRADE DESCRIPTION ENQUIRY

McIntyre - 'smug wanker'By Boltvault Showbiz reporter, Snooper van Minge. Irritating, fast-talking, slanty-eyed, pink shirt-wearing twat Michael McIntyre was today at the centre of an investigation by Trading Standards officers after it emerged he was... (more...)

Davina McCall bursts own ear drums – ‘Star’ hospitalised

By our man who couldn’t give a toss, Snooper van Minge Big Brother presenter and part-time foghorn Davina McCall has been admitted to hospital after bursting her own ear drums while shouting. The ‘star’ was rushed to hospital after Friday night’s... (more...)

Sir Alan Sugar in a right Carry On

By our man under the boardroom table, Snooper van Minge. The final of this years Apprentice show has been thrown into doubt after allegations of sexual harassment by the two remaining contestants. Finalists Kate Walsh and Yasmina Siadatan were said to... (more...)

Peter & Katie : The Split Which Effects A Nation

By Boltvault showbiz reporter Snooper Van Minge The showbiz world was plunged into deep, dark depression last night with the devastating news that pop has-been Peter Andre and balloon-breasted bimbo Katie Price are to end the tumultuous, yet heart-warming... (more...)