Resident Boltvault physician Dr Julian Quimm has answered a thousand stupid questions from women and this one is right up there with the most ridiculous.

Dear Dr. Quimm,
My boyfriend is always pestering me to have sex with him. It doesn’t matter what time of the day or night it is, he always seems to want to sleep with me.

What can I do as I’m frightened this sort of pressure will ruin our relationship and I really love him?

Abi Daysarehereagain,
London

Dr. Quimm says:
Are you wasting my fucking time or what?

Look love, your first duty as a woman is to put out. Your second is to make sure his tea is on the table when he gets in from work. Don’t give me all this headache bollocks or I’m tired, that’s just shite. Get yourself up them stairs, open your legs and like it woman. For Christ’s sake. Even better, dress up for him, take it up the arse and suck his stick while he watches skin flicks.

That’s how you should show him you love him you dappy tart.

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