Boltvault Physician Dr Quimm Offers More Advice – this time on bum tricks.

Dear Dr. Quimm,

I’ve been seeing this tart for a while now and she is proper filth, I mean the blonde bird out of Girls Aloud filth. She lets me do all sorts to her and is forever asking me to try different things with her from Golden Showers to Tarmacking. But the one thing we haven’t done is bum tricks. Now don’t get me wrong, she’s gagging for it and has asked on a number of occasions but I’ve always shied away from it as I’m scared stupid of ripping the roll-neck off the feller downstairs. What degree of lubrication is required to ensure the trouser mouse doesn’t lose his sleeping bag?

Nick (21),
Reading

Dr Quimm Says:
Nick mate, I can understand your concerns. I once did a bird up the Marmite Motorway and due to poor lubrication, I nearly ripped the old chaps head off while wandering along Bourneville Boulevard. However, don’t despair. I feel that from what you have said you may be worrying needlessly. Any bird that asks you shit down her chops (tarmacking) must have taken it up the wrong ‘un more than once. To be fair chap she’s probably got a ringpiece like a clowns pocket, a wizards sleeve or a witches hat, if you know what I mean.  This being the case, a well-aimed gob in the ringer should be enough to keep your pecker in peak condition, plus the filthy piece will love it!

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