Resident Boltvault physician Dr Julian Quimm helps out with more of your sexual issues. This time he explains hairy bush hell, Rooks Nest Syndrome.

Dear Dr. Quimm,

I met this bloke once in a pub and we ended up back at my place. Unfortunately after he had rubbinsed me to get my juices flowing he pulled down my kecks and his previously magnificent tumescence dwindled to something resembling an elastic band. Can you tell me what might have caused this golden flop?

Madame Chalet, Wimbledon Common

Dr Quimm says:

I think once again my medical knowledge may be of assistance. The unfortunate condition to which you refer is commonly know as ‘Rooks Nest Syndrome’ within the medical fraternity. This occurs when a man is confronted by a mass of pubic hair, often matted, which resembles a structure akin to the aforementioned Rooks nest. This renders the previously engorged wanger to deflate almost instantaneously. There is no known cure for this condition other than for women suffering from RNS to trim their quims to the commensurate length a la Shakespear’s Beard or Ashley Cole’s chin or failing that, a totally bald beetle bonnet.

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